How to keep the line moving.

In failing to blow up our airliners, the crazies have succeeded in turning our airports into chaos. If you plan to fly anytime soon, be sure you are as near as possible to barefooted, wearing only Spandex, and carrying your medicine in a plastic bag. Anything else you need will be for sale on board the plane at inflated prices. Check clothing and little else into a sturdy suitcase and cross your fingers in hopes that it will arrive whereever you are going at approximately the same time that you do.

Never lock luggage. They will just break it open to see what you are trying to safeguard. Smile a lot and be nice to the crew. They don't like this mess any better than you do.

Somehow, it seems to me that they are paying more attention to what you are carrying than they are to you.

Just in case you are dark-skinned or have some other feature that makes you look a little different, take the train.